Why Intimate Relationships Can Be So Challenging

These days there are just so many TV programs dedicated to intimate relationships in all forms. Shows such as The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Married At First Sight and then there are a bunch of dating shows as well. Television programs would not be going to all the effort to creating these shows unless there was huge public demand for them. Obviously there are many people out there who are intrigued and enjoy watching things like this. But don’t be fooled, intimate relationships are never all smooth sailing, they are in fact the most challenging relationships to find, keep and grow.

But why?

Love is probably the most powerful human emotion there is and it takes on so many different forms. Where there is love there will always be challenge. This is because a loving and intimate relationship is the perfect situation for our most deepest wounds to be reflected and healed through another that we so deeply care about. This may not apply to relationships where there was love, but for whatever reason it isn’t there anymore.

Maybe this is why immediate family members and the relationships we have with our parents and siblings can also often be the most challenging as well. It’s because deep down there is love. But when it comes to intimate relationships, well that’s just another level entirely.


“Where there is love there will always be challenge”


You see deep down I think we’re all just children in big bodies wanting to be loved. If for whatever reason we didn’t get love the way we wanted it as children, this will create an emotional wound in the exact place where all our emotions reside within us, our heart. These wounds can lay dormant and embedded within us as cellular memories for many years but all wounds have a yearning to be healed. Intimate relationships offer us amazing opportunities to explore the very things that make us human. They also offer us the opportunity to heal from wounds that perhaps we don’t even know that we have.

The biggest challenge however, is being able to recognize the very aspects within ourselves that need healing which inevitably reveal themselves through the very person we are lovingly and intimately involved with. Every person is attracted into our lives for a reason, whether we realize it or not. Perhaps we attract certain intimate relationships on a subconscious level. We attract these people because love has an enormous capacity to heal the wounds that we carry within ourselves.

However like most healing, it isn’t always fun or easy and sometimes is down right painful. Like ripping off a bandaid. It takes a certain level of personal awareness to recognize that the negative, annoying and challenging traits we see another, are actually things within ourselves that need healing. They may be traits that deep within our subconscious we try so desperately to deny or suppress, that they will emerge and be played out through the ones you love to give you an opportunity to forgive it, heal it and then grow.

You know you’ve healed this within yourself when the people you love continue to play out those same traits and behaviors, but it just doesn’t seem to trigger you anymore. This is exactly why the only way to change the people and world outside you, is to change yourself first. This only happens when you’ve healed something within yourself which allows you to look at things outside of you in an entirely new way. There is no better opportunity for this to occur than through a loving intimate relationship. It’s not possible to achieve this level of healing in quite the same way with friends, acquaintances or work colleagues for the very fact that they lack the deep intimate love you can only have with a partner.

Perhaps the path to ‘know thyself’ and ‘love thyself’ is to love another. Some aspects of the other will be easy to love, other aspects of the other will be hard, very hard to love. Deep within that challenge is a healing for you, one that is most definitely worth the journey.